20 November 2013
Since I arrived in France in late September I’ve had a folder on my desktop entitled “France, future blog” and I’ve decided that today we will address the future blog. So sit back, dedicated readers, and I will give you a lesson about what is French, and what isn’t French.
To make it easier I’m going to break it down into categories: Places, People, Food, Clothing, and the American Invasion. These photos were taken by me over the course of my time in France thus far, and a few of them you may recognized, but most you wont. So let’s start.
Places: This is the easy one. There are some places that are distinctly French. Or, interestingly, have become distinctly French. Let’s investigate
Notre Dame de Paris. Distinctly French. Construction on the current building began in 1163, making 2013 the 850th birthday year! That’s even older than the jam I found in the back of my cupboards last summer when I was cleaning out the stuff my mother was hoarding!
The Louvre. More specifically in this case, the Carousel du Louvre, which is underground. When this was built in the 1980s I don’t think anybody would have told you that this would become French. The architect, I.M. Pei, isn’t French. But the pyramid (both the inverted one seen here and the more famous one seen in the courtyard) have become symbols of Paris, I think. It’s important to note however, that the Dan Brown book, The Da Vinci Code, which makes abundant use of the Louvre and its pyramids, is not French.
Folies Bergère. What’s more French than mostly naked girls dancing!? Hello! Don’t forget the word cabaret is French. The Folies Bergère is a cousin to the Moulin Rouge, but it’s the classy cousin who didn’t give up its identity to become a movie. The Moulin Rouge itself, however, is French. Baz Luhrmann, who directed the 2001 film “Moulin Rouge,” is not French.
Apartments with lots of stairs and no elevators. Holy Frog is this French or what?! Add an extra 10 points the the French scale if the staircase makes you sweat as you ascend to your apartment (or that of a friend) and an extra 15 if you honestly wonder if the stairs will support you. They probably will, however. After all, the building has only been standing since the days before America was a country.
People:
You may say that French people are just like anybody else. And to that I say PHOOEY! Not true at all! They think differently, they act different, they dress differently, and (most importantly) they are proud of those differences. They are French. They are not German, they are not Romanian, they are not British, and they are certainly NOT American. What makes them different, you ask? Let’s discuss.
A lot of them still buy their food at the market, and I don’t mean the supermarket; I mean the open air market. You know, that mythical place where the fish are laid on ice and the flies can land on them. And where the meat just sits behind a plastic sheet. And where the olive dealer tells you to stick your hand in the olives to taste them to see if you like them (have I mentioned how much I love my olive dealer?!) Now this is not to say that the supermarket (the yucky American kind) doesn’t exist here. It does. And it’s heavily frequented. Even by yours truly. But sometimes we can choose to forget those little details, can’t we?
They smoke. A lot. Some of them smoke in a way that would definitely make even the Marlboro man blush. Sometimes, when they want to economize, they roll their own cigarettes. And now, with the advent of e-cigarettes, all you have to do is fill a little canister on your e-cig with a nicotine oil substance and you can puff to your heart’s content. I tried this though, and my heart wasn’t contented. Something about blowing real honest-to-God smoke out of my mouth is much more satisfying than smoking from a little colorful plastic thing. Or maybe it’s the bad-assery of having something burning so close to your face. I don’t know what it is, but it’s a shame that bad-assery is lost to so many Americans. Ironically, even with all of their smoking, the average French person lives quite a bit longer than the average American. Go figure.
They like to flirt with danger. They don’t wear helmets when they bike (this little girl must be an American!). They don’t look before they cross the street. They’re not afraid of their kids getting hurt. Did you look at this photo? It’s kids climbing on a stone wall over a paved surface? What would happen if little Johnny was doing this in Central Park and fell? There would be a lawsuit that would bankrupt even the richest American. You know what happens when petit Pierre falls off the wall and hits the ground? He cries. His mom, who is probably smoking with friends on a bench, tells him “Ça vas aller, toi!” (It’ll be fine!) and then he goes back to his climbing.
They actually have some time in their day to relax and enjoy life. Lunch takes an hour or more. Dinner is a multi-coursed, multi-hour affair. People stop in the street to enjoy the art. Coffee and a cigarette in a cafe may last an hour or more as well. Sit back, Americans, and relax. Take a note from the livre français (French book).
They party at home. In Paris. In large apartments. On balconies with low railings. With cigarettes. And liquor. And people who may not be of age. Any one of those sentences would be impossible in America. 12 points for the French.
They go on strike. A lot. When they feel like there’s an issue, they go on strike to try to resolve it. This can be a bummer, however. What happens when you’re planning on going to a certain restaurant and it’s closed? Or what about when the guards at the Louvre go on strike because there are too many pickpockets? Or when the trash men go on strike? Sometimes striking just stinks.
They don’t work too hard, however. They work 35 hours a week. What does this mean? Family time! Oh, and longer lunches.
Clothing: Clothing is one of those areas that separates the Men (the French) from the Boys (the Americans). They just look good and they know how to dress. Sometimes you see something that makes you wonder… but fear not. That person honestly thinks he or she looks really good. And chances are that they do look really good. You just don’t have good taste.
Example 1: Grandmother pushing a strolled full of groceries on her way home as she smokes a cigarette, wears a hat, and wears a fur collar. Between the OSHA rules which probably say that the stroller is overloaded, the medical advisories that say that cigarettes cause cancer, and PETA - well we all know what PETA would say about the fir coat (and probably the veal she just purchased), this image would be impossible in America.
Example 2: Very tall man dressed entirely in black and wearing a fur shall like thing. Need I say more? Welcome to Paris.
Example 3: Grandmother number 2 dressed entirely in black except for her red beret (15 points for Frenchness) and her red scarf (8 points for Frenchess) plus an extra 10 points for color coordination. You go, grand-mère!
Example 4: Tall man number 2 (he was actually very tall) on his way to church after having asked yours truly for directions. Black hat, black jacket, jeans, black shoes with a red bottom (probably some fancy schmancy brand), and a very large man satchel casually draped over his shoulder. You might find this in certain parts of America. But in France it’s partout (everywhere).
Example 5: (My favorite example!) Adorable little boy with his mom on his way home from school. He has his Razor scooter (everybody has those in France, even grownups), he has his black jacket, his black bag draped over his shoulder, AND - most importantly - he has his yummy goûter (4pm snack): a pain au chocolat (chocolate croissant). Don’t forget to notice, however, that his mom is carrying the essential Parisian accessory: le parapluie (the umbrella).
Just to bring it all together, we’ll just take a quick look at a few final pieces of French clothing.
These are French shoes.
Timberland Boots are NOT French shoes. These cost 267 USD, which I think is a bit more than their US price.
Luckily you don't often see Timberlands.
But there are plenty of other non-French brands trying to attack the French market.
Food: La Nourriture is one of the areas for which the French have always been highly regarded, but even that has some infiltration from ailleurs (afar).
Steak tartare is very French, and so are the frites (one of my favorite French food groups)
Hamburgers and cheeseburgers, however, are relatively new in France. In typical French fashion, they’re very low on fat (usually 5%). What’s the fat content of a good American cheeseburger? 15% or more? Let’s just say that the French have some room to improve on their cheeseburgers. They do get a very high score for always serving mayonnaise with their fries.
Cheese, especially soft cheese with a very strong odor, is very French. What goes better with a nice glass of Bordeaux than a hunk of baguette with a nice healthy dollop of Brie or Camembert? Answer: nothing.
Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, however, is not French, but can be found in Paris for about the same price as it is in America.
French Onion Soup is very French. And so is the bread it is served with.
Also French is walking by the neighborhood boulangerie (where the bread is made) and finding a cat sitting in the front door. No big deal in France. Health and Sanitation violations for decades in America.
Wine. Definitely French.
And so is Nespresso. And it’s really good. UPDATE: Actually Nespresso is Swiss, but given the amount that is consumed in France it gets honorary French citizenship. Starbucks, on the other hand, is an illegal alien trying to make its way in Paris. (Unfortunately it's doing a very good job.)
To wrap things up let’s look at a few side-effects of a terrible invasive species in France- the American- and how the French have come to deal with them.
Shorts. The American-ness is cancelled out by the scarf and messenger bag.
Deodorant. A normal sized stick of Old Spice. The Americanness is cancelled out by the very Parisian price (over 16 US dollars!)
Topsiders. I don’t know what to say about these other than that they’re not Sperrys. Therefore they’re not really Topsiders, I guess. But this style of shoe is becoming popular in France. Unfortunately the French don’t realize you can’t wear socks with boat shoes.
There are plenty of things in France that aren’t French. But there are plenty of habits and customs that are uniquely French and, even though they may seem a bit foreign at first, they are part of what makes France a wonderful country in which to live, albeit difficult in which to integrate.
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